Backstage at the Ball: Badgering the Stars

The waiting is over. The Secret Policeman’s Ball is on Saturday night.

So, imagine for a moment that you were wandering around backstage at the Royal Albert Hall with a camera and a microphone and all around you were the likes of Eddie Izzard, Mitchell and Webb, Frank Skinner, Graham Norton, Shappi Khorsandi, Kristen Schaal. Alan Carr, Keane, Razorlight, and – yes – Fearne Cotton, some of them half-dressed, terrified, running backwards and forwards to the loo, wondering if they still have it, wondering if they ever had it at all, frankly wondering what the hell they’re doing there, about to go on stage in front of tens of thousands of people, most of whom are only really there in the vain hope that John Cleese or the Mighty Boosh are going to turn up – what would you like to say to the stars of the show?

I’ll be there tied to a laptop live blogging the event, but a couple of the Ball team will be in the thick of it, stuffing their camera and microphone right in shiny celebrities’ faces… What would you like them to say on your behalf? What questions would you like them to ask?

Or maybe there’s some special task you’d like them to perform – the equivalent of Bertie Wooster stealing a policeman’s helmet…? Maybe you’d like them to try and steal Graham Norton’s helmet? Or get Izzard, Mitchell and Webb to re-enact The Deer Hunter, Izzard doing his Christopher Walken impersonation, Mitchell as De Niro and Webb just slapping them both a lot and shouting mao?

Oh, yeah – Gok Wan will be there too. Surely you’ve got a message for Gok?

Let us know in the comments – the results will appear in the liveblog of the event, and most probably on YouTube a couple of days later.

Go on, go wild…